Some days just start off wrong.

Had some weird ass nightmare dream about this one person I know, the moment I get out of bed, I stub my toe, I drop a hot spoon that I was using to stir my tea into my lap, I get a phone call from somebody I’d rather not and then I bang my head getting into the shower.

I seriously should have just stayed in bed.

So I go to the grocery store because I’m missing a few ingredients from a recipe I had in mind for tonight. While in line, a tabloid with the headling “Martha Stewart Builds Robot” and there’s a picture of Martha Stewart alongside another iteration of her, but with a prison inmate number on her, and they said she built a robot to take her place in jail… I laughed.

Well, the lady in front of me, mind you, I’m still looking at the tabloid which is to my immediate left, took some offense to me laughing, and started a motion like she was going to slap me.

Mind you. I’ve never laid hands on a woman, never will. But she was about to truly test that limit today. She stopped when she saw I wasn’t even looking in her direction and apologized.

I never understood why she was upset… I wasn’t even paying her any attention. Then it hit me… when she apologized, her teeth didn’t move… but her mouth did move… wait a minute. I finally paid some attention, and this lady - probably in her late 50’s or so - was buying some Fixodent, the denture adhesive. I guess she thought I was laughing at her.

Now here’s the hard part… now knowing why she was upset and about to slap me and with me realizing that her dentures were loose, I had to now not laugh at her.

I had to buy that damn tabloid to cover up that I was laughing at her in the end anyway.

So I’ve had to drive almost all friggin’ day in the rain due to not one, but two tropical storms/hurricanes messing up the weather in the Southeast US.

But that’s not the interesting part. I stop off, get some gas, some juice to drink, what not, and I see two cars just driving way too fast up the off-ramp and coming hastily towards the gas station I was situated.

I just knew it was going to be good, and I had snacks and drink ready for this show.

Well… next thing I know, out of the first car out comes a guy screaming at the car that’s closely following it “What the fuck is your problem, buddy?” and then this dude in the other car jumps out and starts screaming “You fucking splashed water all over my windshield, you bastard”.

Just a reminder… it’s been raining all day…

So these two suburban warriors, jockeying for alpha male dominance like two elementary school yard bullies; just as awkward. So the dude from car #1 decides that he’s going to fake with his left, and throw a right hook. The dude from car #2 ducks down, and looked like he was going to counter with a left blow to his body.

Just a reminder… it’s been raining all day…

Apparently, these two boxer wannabes were not that familiar with the area they chose as their impromptu arena. Both of these weekday gladiators took a step away from their motor chariots to initiate their movements in this “dance” and upon initiating blows to each other, the muddy water they were now standing in initially about an inch deep, seemed to be hiding the fact that beneath its muddy disquise, there was enough depth in the middle to basically drown a small dog. So basically, both of their leading feet disappeared and made them both tumble as they shifted their weight to that foot now about 6 or so inches deeper in this muddy water soaked pothole.

They both fell. Hard.

By this time, I’m joined by at least 8 other people that are also laughing at these two guys now muddied up from the fall. And all of this was because of one guy splashed water on his windshield when it was already raining…

Stupidity knows no bounds.