We have seen the future of the Woot-Off, and we’re frightened. We suppose it’s our own fault for asking you to Show us something that we’ll sell in a Woot-Off five hundred years from now. Hold us now, protect us, as we glimpse at your unsettling visions of a nightmare tomorrow:

First prize – $100
plinth – When Roaches Rule
We hope a lot of cockroaches were harmed in the making of this picture. Click on it for a close-up of the screenshot.

Second prize – $50
majit – Salton Soylent Green Treat Maker
We tell ourselves we won’t reward any more Soylent Green references, and then something like this comes along and makes a fool of us once again.

Third prize – $20
Josephus – Woot Water for Wooters
Although he seems a little down about the cataclysmic drought, Dave looks surprisingly comfortable in that keffiyeh.

Honorable Mention

Frankenroc – Holographic Screaming Monkey
Help me, Screaming Monkey. You’re my only hope.

greensnake – iPod Femto
It just seems so bulky next to the iPod Zepto.

toby8915 – Sticks and Stones
The cutting edge of 26th-century weaponry.

mwiseman – Hot Watch-on-Watch Action
Make the androgynous future-creature stop staring at us. Click to embiggen.

guiseppi – The Trouble With Nanoprobes
Apparently, the people of the future have forgotten how to design web sites. Click it and it will grow.

faithcoaching – Sol-III’s Dairyland
Oh, yeah, we’re so sure people will still be saying “thank you” in 500 years.

twallis – Mars Needs Support
It can’t be easy to find modelling work when you’re hosting a telepathic mutant alien.

Champions’ Championship Champion
toby8915 – You Must Be Cloaking
eBay has one for $1391.99! pWn3d!

Win the Monkey Prize
once, shame on you. Win it twice, shame on us. Win it three times,
shame on the American psychiatric industry. We’re cutting you off after
this one, hipbabybob. We’re sure you possess the “talent” to win many more of these, but it wouldn’t be fair to those who don’t possess your natural gifts. Click for a larger version, if you must.

Luckily
for us, we’ll be long dead by the time these worst-case scenarios come
to pass. While we’re waiting for the sweet release of death, money winners, please email your Paypal info to [email protected]. Monkey Prize winner, send your mailing address to the same. Honorable Mentioneers may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time, don’t look ahead. The future might be gaining on you.