K. Jong-Il: OK, put away the DS, Bashar. Your Nintendogs
aren’t going anywhere. We’ve got to get this meeting started, and we’re
already running late.

Bashar al-A.: But the power
is so intoxicating. Look, I tell the dog to eat, it eats! I tell it to
roll over, it rolls over! Such obedience! Such magnificent obedience!
Such an animal this is!

K. Jong-Il: Yes, he looks
delicious. But frankly, poor time management is becoming a real
obstacle to realizing the full potential of this little secret society
of ours. How can we plan anything nefarious and dastardly when we can’t
even get together on time?

Robert M.: I lay these
delays at the feet of the rascals and wreckers in the pay of Tony
Blair! If these scoundrels believe they can pull the tail of a lion -

Mahmoud A.:
Bobby, we understand how you feel. But I think perhaps the problem is
that we are relying on these watches manufactured in our home
countries. Let’s face it, guys – as glorious as our peoples are, none
of them are exactly the Swiss when it comes to precision timekeeping.

K. Jong-Il:
Mahmoud is exactly correct. That’s why I propose that we procure some
key pieces of atomic technology: an assortment of Sima Atomic Watches.
Today, we can order several 2-packs from an American firm, each
consisting of some combination of the RCW-101, RCW-102, RCW-303, and/or RCW-305. Each day, they sync with the NIST clock in Fort Collins, Colorado, for atomic time precise to within 1 second every million years.

Bashar al-A.: A million years? Bobby here might even be out of office by then, ha ha!

Robert M.: Never! The treacherous mosquitos of the Bush-Blair cabal will break their poison fangs on the iron hide of the mighty -

Mahmoud A.: Did you have to get him started?

Bashar al-A.:
I apologize. But more importantly: must the watches be so unattractive?
For me to wear such an ungainly watch might jeopardize my status as the
world’s best-dressed despot. I have a reputation to consider.

K. Jong-Il:
Look, once we rule the world you can call yourself whatever you want.
And these watches will get us there. Multiple alarms, automatic
adjustments for daylight saving time and leap years, day/date display,
and the aforementioned atomic time – all at a price even a
hard-currency-starved dictator can afford.

Mahmoud A.: Hey, then we can say “let’s synchronize our watches”, like we’re in Mission Impossible or something! That’ll be awesome!

K. Jong-Il: Then it’s settled! We’ll buy them! Hey, Bashar, I think we might need to use your credit card…

Bashar al-A.: Fine, fine, here it is. Do we know yet if there’s any way to weaponize these things?

K. Jong-Il: Not yet. But believe me, we’re working on it.

Warranty: 90 Days

Features:

• You’ll receive a random 2 pack consisting of the RCW-101, RCW-102, RCW-303, and/or RCW-305
• Automatically adjusts for daylight saving time, leap years and leap seconds.
• Receives
  the signal from the National Institute of Standards and Technology
  automatically at 3:00 AM every night to recalibrate time settings.
• The time and date are set automatically for Eastern Standard Time.
• Water-resistant, durable high-impact plastic case.
• Backlight, alarm modes and more!
• We don’t sell to North Korea, Syria, Zimbabwe, Iran, or really, anywhere but the lower 48.
• These won’t sync up properly in North Korea, Syria, Zimbabwe, Iran, or really, anywhere but the lower 48.

Display Indicators:

• AM/PM Indicator
• Time Zone indicator
• NIST Reception
• Daylight Saving Time Indicator
• Day of Week
• Month & Day
• Hours: Minutes: Seconds
• Alarm Indicators (AL1 + AL2)
• EL – Light (RCW 101 only)