UPDATE: Due to some “angry e-mails”, I truly ask that if you have some comments, feel free to leave some comments. I’ll respond to each and every one of them. Guaranteed. Even the hate mail…

This almost pains me to write this rant… okay, actually it doesn’t.

I’ve owned the original Apple iPhone, currently own the iPhone3G, resisted upgrading to the iPhone 3GS and I’m typing this while using an Apple aluminum keyboard with the numpad on my Apple Mac Mini, and later today I’ll pack up my MacBook and probably go out elsewhere to do some work away from the home office. I’ve owned four iterations of the Apple iPod before settling in my gasp, horror Microsoft Zune 120gb, but that’s a different story.

So I’ve paid my dues heavily to Apple by shoving more of my hard-earned money to the Apple hype machine that delivered products that thought different, just “worked” and above all, were not the PC norm.

But on January 27th, Apple’s lead man Steve Jobs showed the world perhaps the worst kept secret, the Apple iPad. A 9.7″, 1024 by 768 tablet that has a P.A. Semiconductor A4 processor – that buyout of P.A. Semiconductors in April 2008 makes sense now, doesn’t it? – that’s based off of ARM A9 CPU architecture, which means that this isn’t an Intel x86 based tablet much like their laptop or desktop offerings and closer to… well, their Apple iPhone instead.

Yep, this is for all intents and purposes a huge ass Apple iPhone which means absolutely no multi-tasking – one app at a time only at the current version of the OS. Sure, Apple might update the OS to allow for some type of multi-tasking, but as it stands it’s only a serial tasking product. Not cool if you’re wanting to surf, copy and paste, then resume your Apple iWork project? Only one thing at a time.

It doesn’t have Adobe Flash. So that means websites like the New York Times, Google Analytics, Hulu, Joost or YouTube or Vimeo will not work either. Yet, Jobs stated that the Apple iPad offered the best browsing experience. Not so. Sure, YouTube and Vimeo are testing HTML5 versions of their players, but even that’s a battle because the video tag in HTML5 isn’t yet settled and might not be for a while – as a standard that is. So… yet again Apple snubs Adobe Flash.

It uses the same applications as your Apple iPhone. On the surface, this is a good thing. I don’t have to buy any new apps, I can buy my apps once and use them on my iPhone and on my iPad. But… it means that I’m tethered to the iTunes Music Store yet again. It’s a great ecosystem for apps, but to be honest I have some apps that will never show up… like Microsoft Office for starters. Or maybe Hulu. Again… I’m stuck with a closed platform that’s rather limited.

And ultimately, you cannot remove/replace the battery, once you buy one edition of the Apple iPad – with or without 3G – you’re stuck. You will have to buy another Apple iPad because you cannot upgrade it. You cannot install files from another machine, device, DVD drive. – you have to do it solely through iTunes Music Store, which is fine, but you’re no longer dealing with a tablet in the previously known sense of the word tablet.

And you cannot make cellphone calls from it. But through the magic of Skype, Fring, and Beejive IM, you can still talk with people. But… not in the same way of a cellphone. The fact the Apple iPad doesn’t have a forward facing camera makes teleconferences another problem too. Thanks Steve, you forgot to “one more thing” that, didn’t you?

This thing is nothing more than just a huge Apple iPhone. And since I already have an iPhone, I’d rather just hold my iPhone closer to my face and call it an Apple iPad. I’m not impressed, as a person that really didn’t expect anything, I can still say that I’m disappointed and even if I was given one for free take the hint, send me one, I’ll review/test it, the pricepoint happens to be one serious positive, it starts at $499 for wi-fi only – I probably would not use it any more than my Nokia N810, also called an internet tablet.

It’ll be a consumer hit to those that didn’t yet purchase an Amazon Kindle or Barnes & Noble nook, and the premise of buying and reading books on the Apple iPad is another, besides pricepoint, redeeming quality. But as a power user, a tinkerer, a person that never purchased nor wanted a Kindle or nook… I’ll pass.

Just say no to the Apple iPad.

[ Links: Apple iPad, Apple Insider ]